Methane, the God particle, and the axis of evil.

Interesting news day . . . .

In one corner of our world, physicists playing with the giant atom smasher in Europe announce that they believe that they are getting tantalizingly close to finding the Higgs boson, aka “The God Particle.” I know nothing of physics, but gather that this subatomic particle would prove the scientific view of the universe and how it was born. Hence, “God” particle.

Meanwhile, a Russian scientific survey team studying methane emissions off the northern (Arctic) coast of Siberia were shocked and astonished, perhaps even awed by the scale, volume and force of methane being released into the atmosphere. Apparently enough ice has been melted and permafrost thawed that thitherto captured methane has begun to escape its earthly bounds much faster than anyone had even feared, with the potential to spur global warming to “runaway” state--with what one headline (couldn’t find the reference in the article) claiming possible “dramatic” climatic change in as little as a year.

Methane release. Basically, the earth farts, and we’re all suddenly history (or rather, pre-history to any civilization that springs up here thousands of years after we fade to dust). That would be an act of flatulence more impressive even than what we have spewing out of Washington, DC in this election cycle.

So on one hand we have scientists on the verge of unmasking God, and on the other, a discovery that could mean the end of life as we know it, much sooner than anyone had dreamed or nightmared.

Now, I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. Still . . . Maybe God would rather not be unmasked.

Fast forward to today (yes, world events move quickly), and an opinion piece over on CNN tells us that the world should prepare for a “near nuclear” Iran. Of course, for those of us who came of age during the Cold War, that conjures up disturbing images of “Nuclear Winter” and all the misery accompanying that.

And suddenly it occurred to me that we do in fact hold the key to stopping global warming in its tracks.

Should Earth’s arctic farting indeed lead to runaway global warming, how about a tactical nuclear strike (or a few) to counter the life-threatening climatic catastrophe with its potential equal? Would nuclear winter trump global warming? Would they battle to a cosmic standoff, allowing at least some of humanity to survive?

Most of the problems of our world, obviously, are born in the northern hemisphere--obviously we would start here.

Smarter people than I, along with computer models and such, would have to plan specific targets, but I humbly suggest that we start with the “axis of evil”--no, not Iraq, Iran and North Korea. That is so Bush! I’m talking about the REAL axis of evil: Washington, Wall Street, and Hollywood. That fits nicely with our cultural preference for “trinities,” as well. Nuke them, plunge the northern hemisphere into nuclear winter, and global warming is solved!

Of course, that will never happen--by human design, anyway. It’s one thing for the U.S. president to sacrifice New York City in exchange for having accidentally destroyed Moscow, a la “Fail Safe,” quite another for heads of state in the top half of the world to agree to sacrifice themselves and their citizenry for the greater good of humanity.

Intriguing thought, though. Maybe I should pitch it to Hollywood as a “reality show.”